Does your marriage sometimes (okay, a lot of the time) feel like a battle zone?

The below list details some of the strained dynamics, unpleasant personality traits, communication disasters and general miserableness that can sink a marriage.

As you scroll down and read it, pretend that you’re looking at a form that instructs you to “Check off the boxes that apply.”

How many of the below would you check off?

• defensiveness

• walking on eggshells

• constant arguing or bickering

• cold shoulders

• the silent treatment

• an inability to resolve conflict without making things worse

• feeling unloved or unappreciated

• feeling micromanaged or nagged

• feeling constantly criticized; living with negativity

• an inability to act as a team with respect to key marital issues (e.g. parenting, money, housework)

• irritation over personal devices and technology (e.g. your phones!)

• lack of intimacy

• divided loyalties (e.g. your spouse seems to prioritize other people)

• threats or thoughts of divorce; feeling hopeless about the marriage

• feeling misunderstood, unsupported or unheard

• a marriage characterized by “adult temper tantrums”

• feeling worried that you’re setting a bad example for your children

• feeling embarrassed by how you treat each other in private and public

• a history of failed attempts to improve the marital dynamics

Even if you only checked off one or two miseries in this unhappy list, make no mistake—the smartest move you could make in your life right now would be to prioritize making things better in your marriage.

I am a marital mediator with over 20 years experience working with higher conflict couples who are struggling with precisely these kinds of issues.

I can help you manage and resolve them, and I can do it whether you’re working as a couple or—more likely—the person who staring at this screen is working alone. That’s okay. That’s how it usually is.

Regardless, my book Stop Fighting to Get Along: Practical, Painless Ways to Improve Communication, Interactions & Conflict Resolution Skills in Marriage is the most comprehensive and creative book you’ll find on this topic.

And since my background is in mediation (as opposed to psychotherapy), you will find that my focus is always on real-world solutions and “try this, stop doing that” strategies, that you can actually put to use. This book isn’t about theory. It’s about making palpable changes that last a lifetime.